A cocky, loudmouth rocker, a self confident front man. The face of a generation, and one half of the 60’s leading song writing team. Lennon was often seen as the witty beatle, the one that had an answer for everything, be it sensible or not. And in later years he became the political beatle, but what if the womanising, drug taking, and sarcasm wasn’t the real John Lennon. What if it wasn’t even close! Ever since a teenager John had put up a wall around his emotion, to keep the outside out and himself in. Maybe it went back even before then, maybe the events that happened between His Mother and Father at Blackpool back when he was very young was the first thing to trigger this. Maybe that day when his he was made to choose who he wanted to stay with, his mum or dad, was the day that he started to build a wall around him that would never be knocked down.
(photo from google image search)
He drunk and smoked from a young age, caused trouble in school and got up to no good. He portrayed the typical rebellious teen, and when skiffle and rock and roll music entered his life he had something else to hide behind. He dreamed of being rich and famous, owning a big house, being the British Elvis, and although to him it might have seemed like it took a lot of hard work, his goals came into sight much faster then he anyone expected. He (along with the other Beatles) did put in a lot of hard work of course, from shows with hardly any audience, to teddy boys wanting to beat him up after shows, from rat infested Hamburg to sweaty cellar clubs, but soon he would be living the highlife.
(photo from google image search)
Drugs, Sex, recognition, praise, fame and fortune all was laid at his feet, yet now he had it, it wasn’t all what he thought it would be. All the things money could by and the trappings that came with it, didn’t fill the holes that were left from his childhood like he might have believed it would. Behind a pair of black wayfarer style sunglasses, was the little boy crying for him mother not to go and him daddy to come home. The screaming fans wetting themselves and fainting at the sheer sight of him coming on stage quickly lost its appeal, he became frustrated and angry that he couldn’t hear himself play, he would even stop playing mid song during some shows, and no one would even notice. On top of that he had to constantly hide the fact he felt like a sell out, faking who he really was for fame.
(photo from google image search)
His dream of being a tough rock and roller had disappeared as his style turned into the suited and booted clean cut mop top image that everyone would know in the ‘beatlemania’ touring years, that Brian Epstein had insisted on! Life in the world of a beatle, was life on a merry-go-round, and John wanted to get off as soon as he could, years of dreaming ending in disappointment when he lived his dream.
(photo from google image search)
His touring career became more and more of a task that he really didn’t want to do, but his home life wasn’t much better, he wasn’t (as he openly admired) close to his son, and his wife to Cynthia was on the rocks, although he had never been faithful to her from the very start, he had always come back to her, but now he no longer wanted to be married to her. He tried to find his escape in the trippy world of an acid addiction, taking hundreds of trips.
(photo from google image search)
During the Beatles concerts John might have complained about not being able to hear himself, but in the studio he complained that he could. He hated the sound of his own voice, asking George Martin to put whatever he could on it to make it sound better. Most of his songs have slap back and reverb on the vocals. During the Beatles touring years he got annoyed when people with disabilities were wheeled in to see him backstage. They were showed with gifts, and press photos of themselves that were to be run in local news papers.
(photos from goole image search)
While in a hotel on tour in 1966, he is photographed looking at photos of himself with the other three members of the Beatles, and in his hand is a pen. He scribbled all over his own face, as if trying to remove it from the picture. John’s insecurities would come up over and over again through his life, even after the Beatles years were long over and he was living in New York he was still insecure, most of those insecurities coming to a head and manifesting itself in outlandish drunk behaviour during his lost weekend.
(photo from google image search)
Insecurity and doubt would be a major part of Lennon’s life, and hiding it all behind a front would be even more a part of the very complex man.
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